Sometimes when I sit and pray, it feels like my mind is just wandering, repeating little lines here and there that I've said in the past that were meaningful at the time, but not necessarily heart felt right now. Almost like a rehearsal of lines I've learnt in a play! And it feels like God kind of taps me on the shoulder and says "Are you really with me right now? Is this really how you want our conversation to be this morning?"
And it stops me in my tracks. Because - no - that's not what I come to him for! I know that sometimes I repeat those things because I'm looking for things that worked in the past to make me feel close to him. Things that describe who he is and has been to me in my life. And sometimes that does trigger a thought or memory that makes my heart respond. But other times, it can just feel like a wandering mind that is not finding its place to rest.
This morning was one of those mornings. I came, wanting to "connect", but feeling like that was not happening. So I told him that - because that's what he really wants from us. He wants to hear our heart's desires and core thoughts and feelings, not some carefully worded script. So I told him I was struggling to feel connected this morning, but that I'd come because I really wanted to sense his presence. And I knew he was here, because he'd told me he always would be if I came searching for him. But I just couldn't feel it.
And just then, I looked up, and there in the rain darkened sky, under the peak of our patio roof, was a rainbow. Just a soft one - but it was there... and it lingered. Now to most people, that probably wouldn't mean much, but to me it speaks volumes. Because so many times when I've been praying for important things, whether here, or driving, or wherever I've been, a rainbow has suddenly been there, right where I was watching. It's the timing and direction that gets me! And I feel deep inside, a promise - that he is there, and he has heard me.
This morning, once again, he gave me that deep knowledge, that he is mine and I am his - and that he will always be there for me. So I guess my purpose in writing this, is this - if you're struggling with your prayer life, or knowing he's there, tell him that! And go from there... The more real and in the moment you are with him, the more you will find connection. Afterall, isn't that how it is with friends???
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