Our inspection is today, so with all the pressing items on my "to do" list, I wasn't sure I'd be able to connect very well with God this morning. But I came anyway. Because I've promised. And because I actually love those quiet times together. And I know it changes me for the better.
And I told him that! Told him that I'd never understand how he went through what he did for me! We're stuck here! We have to do it! He didn't! I know it's his heart of love that drove him there. That incredible and beautiful love of his that melts me every time. And I told him that that's why I come - because that love changes me. From the inside out. And I want love like that to be the way I am! Even though it can bring hurt!
I thought about how different that self sacrificing love is from we understand as "healthy" in today's psychology. And there is some truth in it - that we need to be healthy in ourselves to be able to give love in a healthy way. I think the issue is that we are taught to put ourselves first. And in a way I'm doing that by my God time first - it's helping me to be healthy from the inside out! His love heals and feeds me and gives me love to overflow to others. But I'm not sure that just focusing on ourselves and making ourselves feel good with endorphin highs, is enough.
Maybe focusing on self love, which advocates putting yourself before others, has enough truth in it to be reasonable, but isn't quite right. There is a Proverb that says “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end, it leads to destruction” Proverbs 14:12. I'm not so sure that this "self love" doctrine is the path to the sweetest relationships. Jesus certainly didn't walk that way. As much as it might cost me, I'd rather do it his way. To echo the love of his heart. His way makes the world more beautiful.
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