It occurs to me this morning that I am very grateful for something very special that God does. He wants us to come to him as we are - not wait until we're all fixed up first! Not try our best to get our lives together to the point where we feel we have the right to come into his presence!
And do you know why that's so special?? Because still, after about 40 years walking with him! - still, I do not feel "good enough" to come into his presence!! And I never will!!! Because I'm not!!!
To my very core, I am filled with "my" self and "my" needs!! My responses are in relation to how things make "me" feel!! I am still so very far from the selfless love at the very core of him!! So if I'd waited to be "good enough" to come to him and be his - to have enough "goodness" in me to prove to him that I was genuine about wanting to be his - I would still be a failure, unable to face him.
But instead - while knowing that he knows me to the depths of my soul - knows every selfish motive that moves me, he offers such forgiving understanding and limitless love to me, that it draws me to trust him when he says to come as I am!!! And he covers my shame, resets my scoreboard! He allows me to start again - without failure against me!! Over and over again!!! So I can hold my head up in his presence!!! And be filled with his peace and quiet joy!!!
His presence and acceptance heals me. His spirit whispers hope and life to me! When I come to him, I receive a gift of selfless love which changes me from the inside out - and slowly, slowly, little by little, I am being changed into a better reflection of him.
I am being reborn, by being with him!! Into the most beautiful version of me I was meant to be!!! And without that gift - of being able to come just as I am, I would still be waiting to begin that journey. Because by my "self", I will never be enough. Never feel good enough to be with him.
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