I woke up with a memory in my head this morning. Long ago, before Mike and I had children in our lives, we got to experience the never-ending parade of musicians who would pass through our local area. It's one of the great things about living in the US - that there is never a shortage of great bands on tour! We've had many of these wonderful experiences! But there's one that is deeply locked into my head.
We went to see a newer group, called Phillips, Craig and Dean. These guys were all pastors with a passion for sharing their love of God in music - and they had big voices and great harmonies! One of the songs they shared that night had a particularly powerful impact on me, and I felt driven to stand for it! (If you want to feel the full power of the song, you need to listen to the end)
Now this is pretty common behaviour amongst audiences of Christian bands, and although I was the first the stand for this song, I expected I would soon be joined by many others! Afterall, this was a very big and powerful song!! But as the music went on, I realised to my amazement, and some embarrassment, that this was not going to happen!! And yet - I could not sit down! The message of the song had called me to stand, and I could not reverse that decision, even though I ended up standing alone!
I've often wondered about what happened that night. Maybe God was trying to show me what it might cost to be fully his. Even now, I know that my level of need to be his, makes me a little weird to many people. Even those in the church I grew up in find me a little 'much' when it comes to how I feel about him and how we should be representing him. And that feeling of standing out in the crowd, and the discomfort it brings - I still get to experience that.
And yet, as Martin Luther is purported to have said, "Here I stand. I can do no other." I am so convicted of the reality of this God that I love, and his purpose for us, that despite the fact that I stick out like a 'pimple on a pumpkin', this is who I have to be! And his love is worth so much to me that I will take him above all others, even when it means feeling so different that I struggle to feel 'normal' and 'connected' here. I cannot deny what he has become to me. He is my constant companion and deepest strength. And his love outshines any other. How could I be anything else?
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