I think the problem I have with the word "obedience" in relation to following God, is that it carries with it a connotation of submission against our will. And it focuses on the behaviour outcome, ie "works" oriented, in a kind of "bending the will to be in line with his" direction. I have found myself in this self-failing cycle many times as I tried to be who God wanted me to be. And I say "self-failing", because it relies on my determination and control, which usually ends in failure and depression at my human inability to be who he wants.
The only way I've found to be free of this prison, is to turn my focus away from my performance, and completely onto who God is and what he means to me. My purpose is to fall more deeply in love with him with all that I can learn of him. And this love changes my desires, until I no longer want the crippled way I used to walk - but his beautiful way! I recognise his wisdom! That the way he says to go is by far the best! And my heart wants to follow - without any "forcing" from me.
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