When I was young, I first heard of God. And I loved the stories of God winning against evil. And I loved the images of the magical place called heaven that I wanted to go to someday. I sure didn't want to go to the other place! So I tried to be everything I was taught that God wanted me to be. So I could be on the "good" list. And I failed. But I kept trying, even though it was discouraging.
As I grew older, I kept trying to be who he wanted - so that he would love me. Until one day someone shared some beautiful words with me. He said God loved me just as I was!! I didn't have to get myself right first!!! That he still wanted more for me, and would get me there! - but that I was loved already!! Such a wonderfully freeing thought for me!! But I kept failing. And in my mind, disappointing him.
Then in time, I learned something more! That what we focus on, changes us!! That focusing on rules and my inability to live up to them, only enhances the struggle! I learned that by focusing on the beauty of God seen in Jesus ("If you have seen me, you have seen the Father"), I would be drawn into a closer reflection of him. By letting go of the need to keep the rules, and feeding, instead, on the love that God is and pours into me, I am slowly changed into the image of him I was meant to be.
I am still a work in progress. But I'm no longer buried under the weight of failure at never being able to live up to what I should be! Now I live free in love!! Focused on and filled with him!! My whole searching now is on knowing him more!! On having a deeper and more real awareness of closeness and heart relationship with him!! And that changes me!! The very core of me!! So that the principles behind those rules become the heart of my life!! And my behaviours are more truly what he wants for me simply because I'm focused on his love in my life!!
Love changes us. Not rules. Don't take as long as I did to figure that out. 😄
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