My divorce was pretty life shattering. It felt like I was in the deepest, darkest void. And noone could really reach me there to help me. It was almost a year before I noticed the sun was shining. I didn't even have the strength to reach out to God. It was only later that I realised he was holding me.
I went to Avondale to try and start a new life for myself. Because of the years I'd spent on my Physio degree, I was exempted from most of my first semester Nursing units. I did have to do Bible though. We were given a choice of 3 topics on which to write our major assignment. I chose the one on prayer.
I had plenty of time, a need to heal, and a focus on prayer. I began spending an hour or more each day trying different ways of praying. It was one of those times, in the dark of evening, along the banks of Dora Creek, that I had one of my closest moments with God. It felt like he was sitting with his arms wrapped around me. I've never forgotten that moment. And it's made me want more.
Through the years I've read other amazing books on prayer. Incredible Answers to Prayer by Roger Morneau. Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. But life became busy. Not so much time to sit and contemplate. Prayer was something scattered in moments throughout the day. Not bad. Enough to keep me going, but i was missing that deep connection.
A couple of years ago, i made the decision to spend at least half an hour every day in deliberate prayer time with God. Sometimes that's in the garden, sometimes driving to work, but it's his time. And i love it.
When Amy asked if i could share how prayer renews my mind, i said I'd try. When i started, the ways just came pouring out! And I'm not sure I've covered them! But here are the ones i came up with...
It turns my focus away from those things close to me that can seem so oppressive and makes me aware of the awesomeness and strength and nurturing, healing power of God who loves me deeply. He says if we draw near to him he will draw near to us. If we take time to really seek him, he will be there.
Emotionally, I can be in a stormy place when I come to him. I can be telling him how much something someone has said or done to me, is driving me crazy. And somewhere during the discussion, he starts to make me aware of something maybe I should have said or done differently in it all. He softens me towards them, so I can go and authentically build bridges. Steers me towards healing them. That builds and heals my home.
It gives me a place to safely share my deepest feelings. He is like the best counsellor you could ever find. He listens. He hears. He understands. He makes me feel his deep love and compassion. And he gently steers me back into his positive path.
It reminds me of the needs of others as I place them before him. It makes me more aware and supportive of them, instead of being so totally consumed with my own life. It also warms my heart as I see him work in their lives. And it makes me feel like I am a valuable part of his mission.
In the couple of years that I've been deliberately taking time out every morning to connect my mind with his, it has so nourished my soul that I have no desire to end it. Like with any relationship, what you put in is what you get out. This morning connection puts my mind on the right track. It makes my relationship strong. And it percolates through me throughout the day, with little moments here and there that that connection pops into the front of my mind.
I can claim no perfection. I fail - over and over. But he keeps reminding me not to focus on my failures - as that will only bring more, but to keep my eyes above the waves - on Jesus, and the beauty that is in him, and slowly I am inching towards him. By beholding we become changed. It is our focus in life that makes us who we are. Prayer fixes that focus in the right direction.
