Surprised by Grief

I have been surprised by grief.

I thought I was doing pretty well. Things seemed to be moving in the right direction. I wasn't crying much any more. There'd be days when I'd realise I hadn't thought about Dad in a while! Life seemed to be moving more on an even keel.

But then I had a melt down at work the other day - and left. Something I've never done before! And yes - the anaesthetist was being horrible, but I've dealt with worse before. And then yesterday I was crying, trying to figure out what I would do if Mike died. Where would I go? I was struggling to figure out somewhere I felt like I fit!

And my kids are older and doing their own thing - and somehow all that feeling of loss seems to meld with the other. And where I thought I had this, suddenly I'm not there anymore.

I'm a nurse. I know the theory. I know this is grief, and a process I just need to allow and work through. And God knows me - and so it's very easy for me to share it all with him, because I know he understands everything I've been through.

And it's one of the reasons I've avoided going to someone. Because they don't know me. They don't know any of it! And it's a long story to tell for them to understand me. How do you get that across in a session or two of counselling??

But I've decided it's time. And I'll go and try. And I'm praying for the right person who can help me work through it. Because while the grief might not be noticeable to me as I go about normal life, it's still deep inside me. And it's affecting who I am. And afterall - God gave us wise and gifted people to help lift us up, just as he gave us gifts to help others.

So why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know - even with those who seem the strongest - who may have the deepest connection with their spirituality - even for those with a close and real connection with God - it is ok to admit you are struggling, and seek help here. We were meant for community. We all struggle. We don't have to do it alone. 💙