(I hope this makes sense. It's another one of those thought-strings God leads me through sometimes 😊)
I am a giver. I was made that way! I like to help in any way I can! However, I'm not always a "cheerful giver" 😄. And that bothers me. I can give to the point where I'm overtired and grumpy. Yet I still feel driven to give! And my attitude changes from one of loving giving, to resentful serving. It is a problem of mine, and I know it. And I brought it to God this morning, once more.
My thoughts began to follow another line. Last night I was invited to a discussion and prayer time with a beautiful group of ladies that I love. We were reading through 1 Peter 1 and 2, and were talking about being completely God's, and, in our humanness, having to redirect our focus to him and his way, over and over throughout the day. It reminded me, of course, of dealing with my attitude problem.
Part of the reading contained the verse about being redeemed, not with things that can decay, but with the incredibly costly and beautiful gift of the life of God's own Son! And it made me think - why do I get resentful of giving in such little things, when he so willingly gave such a huge thing!
And a story flashed into my mind. It's found in Matthew 18. It's the story of a debtor, forgiven a great debt by his king, who then turned without mercy upon a man who owed him very little. Jesus is teaching us here, to forgive others - because we are given forgiveness of a huge debt! But this time, I saw more.
I saw that my life has been so hugely blessed! I am loved and forgiven and held and nurtured! I have new and abundant life because of his generous goodness! So why am I struggling with the small gifts needed from me??? I guess it was just a gently reminder to me - to love and give generously, from a willing heart - because I have been loved and gifted generously. Anything less is unworthy.
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