Looking Back...

Many people say "Have no regrets." I look back on my life and I'm afraid that doesn't work for me. I do have regrets. Things I wish I hadn't done. Or had done differently. I recognise that I have a part in some of the biggest struggles in my life. As much as I try to do things right, I'm human, and I often react poorly. We humans do have a tendency for that.

I understand why people say "Have no regrets". It's so that we don't get trapped in the past, constantly dragged down by things we've climbed out of. So that we can move on forwards and positively! There has wisdom in that. I certainly don't think I should constantly be reminding myself of, and beating myself up over the things I messed up. Jesus died to offer us freedom from that. He doesn't want me to live there.

However, sometimes my mind does wander back through the past, and I feel those stabs of regret again. Times when I've been less than I should have been. And there are a couple of things that I've found valuable, even in that.

The first one is, it humbles me. It reminds me that all the goodness in me is because of the God who loves me and is working to bring our the beauty in me. It's not because of me - I am known to fail. But he makes my life beautiful. And I love him for it. The humility brings me to a place where he can work more easily in and through me. And that is a good thing.

The second thing, which kind of relates to the humility is, it deals with my self-righteousness. We all do that a bit - think we do this or that a bit better than someone else. Wonder why other people allow themselves to be like that when we never would. And I know I do it too. But sliding my mind back over those less perfect moments - that very quickly reminds me that I am not standing on higher ground. Very quickly removes that self-righteous habit. That too, is a good thing.

And then there's God through it all. Looking back I'm reminded just how much of a rock he's been! Kindness, love without barriers, constantly encouraging me and lifting me to the best he sees in me. Holding me when I've had no strength in the battles I've had to fight. Helping me work through the consequences of those errors in a way that leads to positive results.

He's been there the whole time. Never left me. Never failed me. My constant, faithful, undeviating, most beautiful friend. Always forgiving. Always healing. Always drawing me forwards and upwards. And when my mind roves over those things, my heart bonds deeper into the one who has always loved me so much. Another good thing.

So, yes. I agree. It's not good to live in self-punishment over regrets. That's what he came to set us free from. But it's not always bad to look back at those things. It can help to remind us where the best in us comes from.

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