Yesterday a lady yelled at me for not checking my mirrors better as I reversed out of parking (I did check them - that's why I stopped and didn't hit her!). It hit a nerve. So I yelled back at her that maybe she should be more careful about walking behind vehicles that were backing out! I'm really tired of people doing that lately! Like their Mum never taught them that that was not a good thing to do! So I was triggered and responded in a way I normally wouldn't.
This morning, it set me to thinking. Spending time with God does that with me. There are times when that poorer side of me rises up! And I respond to personal injustice or unkindness with a far less than perfect spirit. I can even be gleefully gloating about it! Because I stuck up for myself! In a way I don't normally do.
I think it comes from childhood triggers, as a lot of things do. They can elicit a much stronger response than I would normally display. And it gives me a sense of achievement that I can finally fight back when that was something I could not do in the past.
But that doesn't make it good. It doesn't make it God's way. And when I look at my response alongside the characteristics of his spirit, I become a little disappointed at that glee. And I notice how easily I am turned from the pathway I want to follow. And I realise again how much I need to continually refocus on him, to keep his spirit alive and expressive in me.
So - thankyou for working with me again this morning Lord. I will never understand my value to you. But there is no doubting it. Keep working with me. My life is nothing without you. Be in me today so I can be the beautiful me you intend. Love you forever.
No photo credit
Comments